F.E.A.R

I battle it every day....


To go forward or not to go forward. To allow things be or to rock the boat.


F.E.A.R. of the unknown.


Of my thoughts.


My feelings.


My strengths and my abilities.


MY inadequacies and my flaws.


F.E.A.R. of stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping into the spotlight. Of emerging behind the humor and chivalry that has characterised my life.


F.E.A.R of laying it all bare and confiding in another about my fears, hopes, aspirations, and dreams.


The F.E.A.R that after all is said and done, I am just another random, ordinary being.


F.E.A.R...


Of falling for you.




Of having you dominate my thoughts.


Of getting protective and extremely jealous over you.


Of getting too close to you and not wanting to leave.


Of losing control.





F.E.A.R of finally peeling off the layers upon layers of toughness and letting you see into the fragility that is my heart.


F.E.A.R.....


Of trying and failing.


Of disappointment.


Of unmet expectations.


Of heartbreak.


F.E.A.R of looking into your eyes and letting see my vulnerability. Of knowing that you may not find me all that wonderful if you really get underneath my skin.


And that scares the life out of me....


F.E.A.R of letting you know that I really do want to love you.


And I really want to. Oh, how I want to. But I don't know how.


I know love, like life is a choice. At least in theory. So why can't I seem to make this choice?


Because the truth is, you fit my fantasies. Everyone thinks I want a fine boy. All I want is that heart connection.


We laugh. We fight. We make up. We share similar values. But still it's not enough.


Because, F.E.A.R.


Of commitment and love. Of finally getting to know what it feels like to have my heart beat so fast for another.


Every day is a battle against my fears. But my greatest fear is that F.E.A.R. seems to be winning



XoXo
NAWTIProf