THE VERY MANY LIES ROMANTIC NOVELS TELL



Let’s face it, romantic novels can lie. Choi.

Before there was Lai Mohammed, romance novel writers were the original lying liars. *looks around for DSS*.

As someone who read her first Mills and Boon novel in Primary 5, and went on to read over 1,000 romantic novels (I kid you not) by the time she left High School in 2004, I believe I have earned the right to say this. During over 8-years romantic novel reading binge, I read everything from Mills and Boon, to all the different categories of Harlequin (Harlequin Super Romance, Harlequin American Romance, Harlequin Presents, Harlequin Medical Romance, etc). I sampled bad ass, extremely descriptive romance novel writers like Elaine Barbieri, Beverly Jenkins, Nicole Hawkins, Robyn DeHart, Adrienne de Wolfe. I read them all. Sometime in University, I finally gave up that romance novel addiction, because they pedaled nothing but L-I-E-S. And yours truly done had enough of them lies.

Here are the common lies romantic novels sold to us:

1) The guys in the novels are always tall, dark and handsome (and no, they never look anything like Idris Elba):

No, let’s talk about this one because thinking about it now; it’s a very easy lie to debunk. It still beats me how us romance novel readers bought into this myth. How in God’s green Earth can all the men be tall, dark and handsome? Human beings come in all shades and sizes. The beauty of life is in its variety. If all the men were tall, dark and handsome, what sort of boring life would it be? Besides, we all know these writers aren’t talking about black men when they describe their heroes. They describe white men who have probably tanned in the sun. But come on, tan isn’t black yo. That means the authors of those romance novels shamelessly scammed us. Another bad part of this lie is that it places a lot of premium on external attributes of a person. A human being is more than his/her outer casing. It’s the beauty of that person’s heart that counts at the end of the day.


2) Love relationships are as easy as beholding each other, falling in love and….:

That’s pretty much it. That’s the big fat lie romance novels sell us. Chai. A relationship is hard work. Forget Harlequin or Mills and Boon. You gotta work the shit out of that relationship. No one is perfect and relationships don’t work themselves. I know some believe love at first sight is real. That may be true. Or false, depending on the side of the divide to which you belong. But after that first sight, you have to work that relationship like no man’s business if you want it to last. You have to work to keep the feelings in the relationship flowing. Automation doesn’t work in relationships. There are times in a relationship when those in it want to throw in the towel. But they keep working things out because that is what love is- hard work.


3) The sex is always toe-curlingly, earth-shatteringly, indescribably, everything else ‘ly’ a-mazing:

Any romance novel reader knows that some of those writers have absolutely no God fearing chill when it comes to how they describe the sex scenes. Everything happening under the sheets in romance novels happens without stress and with just the slightest of touches and softest of gazes. Romance novels sell the lie that intimacy and sexual satisfaction between two people happens 'just like that'. Yea freaking right! A study by the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles published by the Guardian Newspaper (UK) shows that young people need help with their “sexual function” as much as advice on avoiding sexually transmitted infection or unintended pregnancy. It also revealed that they experience problems almost as much as older people. If that is the truth, why are we basing our sexual expectations on written porn (which is what some of these romance novels are anyway)? Using what you read on romance novels as benchmark for your own reality is setting yourself up for MAJOR disappointments. It is just fiction people. F-I-C-T-I-O-N.


4) Always follow your heart:

Wise people follow their heart but never ever forget to take their brain along for the ride. Romance novels teach us to never question anything. It doesn't matter if you have nothing in common, including critical values. Nope, don't question it. Just go with the flow. How does he make you feel? Do your intestines knot up when he is near? It must be love. No, it isn’t always love. How people make us feel is as a result of chemical chain reaction taking place in our bodies. The real deal which remains long after all the tininitanana feelings have gone down takes time and commitment to develop.


5) They live happily ever after:

I left this one out till now for a purpose. This Disney-type lie is what romance novels feed us. Back when I was into romance novels, I used to wonder what happened to the heroes and heroines after they pledged undying love to each other. I used to wonder if they ever fought, hated each other or wished they never married each other. Of course, the smart writers never tell us. They just leave things at ‘they live happily ever after’. But is this the truth? Especially if we consider that the settings of these novels are in developed countries. A report by mccrindle.com on fast facts on marriage states that 1 in 3 marriages will end in divorce. If that’s what research says, then where the heck does ‘they lived happily ever after’ come from? See? Lies, lies and more blatant lies.

So, there you have it. The lies told by romance novels. Did I miss any out? Are you a romance novel buff? Share your experiences because I would sure love to hear from you.


XoXo
NAWTIProf



Photo Credit: www.seventeen.com
                       www.mjemagazine.com


Comments

  1. juiciano4 August 2016 at 12:21

    Nah! I wasn't a fan because I don't keep such imaginary thoughts and friends. I stayed true to the ways of life. Reading book that would always tell me you how to love your love and handle exceptions.

    ReplyDelete
  2. juiciano4 August 2016 at 12:23

    And how to be a good man to people and your partner.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ada Onyekachi Udeoji7 August 2016 at 07:57

    Hahahaha. We are many that mills and boon lied to.
    Battery low.Will be back to read full gist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NAWTIprof7 August 2016 at 07:57

      Hehehehe please charge that phone quickly. Lol

      Delete
  4. Ada Nwoke7 August 2016 at 07:58

    I remember those days. How we exchange novels and keep them under our pillow. ������. The hustle to read fast was real. The next person to read is already waiting and rushing you to hurry up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NAWTIprof7 August 2016 at 07:59

      Or the times we had to hide them inside our text book in class 😂

      Delete
    2. Ada Onyekachi Udeoji7 August 2016 at 08:00

      Or the times we use another paper to wrap the back.

      Delete
    3. NAWTIprof7 August 2016 at 08:00

      See them....😂😂😂😂😂

      Delete
    4. Ada Onyekachi Udeoji7 August 2016 at 08:01

      Or the number of times the novels will be seized and some of the boys in my class would go and steal it back for me.

      Delete
    5. NAWTIprof7 August 2016 at 08:01

      I tell you o. Chai....memories

      Delete
  5. Blessing Madugba7 August 2016 at 08:02

    es prof, I fantasised the LIES too. And boom! Life happens and I had to grow up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NAWTIprof7 August 2016 at 08:02

      Thank God for that growing up something o

      Delete
  6. Ada Onyekachi Udeoji7 August 2016 at 08:03

    What didn't i do for novels?.Smh
    I am in the toilet i am reading them.In the kitchen COOKING i am with one.Most times 2am I am still reading!!. Let me not talk of the punishments i received from my parents and teachers.
    The happy ever after was what i always love about them.Lol

    ReplyDelete
  7. Splendour Miracle Jacob7 August 2016 at 08:04

    Most times as an avid reader you can predict the book, in fact finally, finally, two people must fall in love. But, something keeps drawing me back to the lies!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Erinma Ogburafor7 August 2016 at 08:06

    Lmao!! So much lies

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NAWTIprof7 August 2016 at 08:06

      We need to sue these people for deception 😀

      Delete

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