GET IN OR STAY OUT....DON'T STAND IN THE DOORWAY
I hate time wasters. I understand that time is very precious so I really hate to have someone waste my time. If anyone's gonna waste my time, I'd rather it be me. That way, I know I have only me to blame.
Out of all types of time- wasters that exist, the relationship time wasters to me are the worst. I am not a relationship expert but I do know that I have met quite a few in my lifetime (I was one at a point in my life, so yeah, I know a thing a thing or two about relationship time wasting). Relationship time wasters blow neither hot or cold. You can't tell where you stand per time. Are you in a committed relationship? Are you single? What exactly are you doing? You are never quite sure. It's just a horrible ride on an emotional roller coaster. These are the kinds our Igbo people call 'mmadu ibu ogbenye, burukwa amusu. Stay committed to a relationship, mba. Ngwanu, stay clear so serious people go see way enter, mba.
Hian o.
The thing about relationship time wasters is that they waste valuable time you could invest into a positive, progressing, potential relationship with someone else. They are like the APC- they had the allure of delivering good governance, but upon election, became nothing more than painted sepulchre. Perhaps the worst thing about relationship time wasters is that they are cowards. They can't make up their mind on what they really want and then go for it. It's like they don't really know what they want. Or they aren't really sure about what they said they wanted. So they keep things hanging while they selfishly try to figure out what it is they want.
Like the one time I wanted to buy a gown for an event. I wanted a little black dress, so I combed major shops looking for one. I had something in mind and knew that I would know what I wanted if I found it. I searched shop after shop but couldn't find it. At my wits end, I entered another shop and found a black gown. It was nice. But it wasn't what I wanted. So, I did what relationship time wasters normally do. I told the shop owner to hold on to the gown that I would return for it. In truth, I wanted to check out some other shops to see if I would get something better. I didn't want to lose out entirely (in case I didn't find what I was looking for. At all at all, na im bad pass ni), so I decided to have plan B, in case. I have no idea how long that cloth seller held on to the gown before finally realising I wasn't coming back for it. There was no point going back for a second choice dress once I found what I wanted the next day.
My point? Time wasters have an attitude that says, 'I’m not exactly sure about what I want, so I want you to just stay available to me while I make up my mind.” Maybe they will make up their mind and stay committed. Or they will string you along till they find what they are really looking for, or you grow weary and move on, saving them the torture of calling things off. But one thing you can bet on is: between the time they or you decide on where things actually stand in the relationship, valuable time would have been wasted.
Listen up ladies and gents, time is too short to have someone keep you guessing on what you two are doing together. At some point, it should be clear to you exactly what you are doing in a relationship and where it is going. You should be able to talk about your relationship instead of assuming things. Anything other than that is time wasting.
And it's okay to change your mind. Sometimes, things don't pan out the way you intended it. When you met the individual, you were attracted and wanted to have a relationship. At the time, your intentions were honest and you were certain that was what you wanted. But then, life happens. Things change. You aren’t quite sure what you saw going in is enough to keep things going. You develop cold feet. And you probably want out. If that is the case, be courageous enough to be open about it instead of wasting someone's time.I believe relationship time wasting is a cardinal sin (yeah, sue me). It is no different from subtle manipulation and deception.
If you want to get in, please get in and stay in. Otherwise, bounce out. But biko, I beg you in the name of whatever you serve, don't stand in the doorway.
XoXo
NawtiProf
Nice one again Prof. Very nice. Permission to share!!!
ReplyDeleteU don vex o. Abeg who annoyed u like this, this time waster talk nah true o I used to be one but grew up. I know how u feel but it really isn't d other persons fault. When getting into a relationship if its not defined don't expect miracles to start happening jus because u r in-like. Just be wise, time wasters can be sniffed from a mile a way. Keep preaching sister.
ReplyDeleteLool 'they are like APC...' Line nka ato m special.
ReplyDeleteMy Barrister Ezinne Mbuko isi nu ka m kwuo gini? This APC people don fall hands yakata
Deletehi before a man can waste ur time he looks at u 1st. Your personality attracts the kind of people who comes ur way. Hw can a girl wear engagement ring for 7 years? U still cook for him and satisfy him without pride prize and u expect God to answer u? No it doesn't work like that. Let him define his mission likewise ladies who waste guys time just to enrich themselves.
ReplyDeleteNd when they see that u sliping away from them upon noticing u see them as time wasters,they get scared nd intesify efforts by callin nd showin concern to bring u back... wit all da "hey bae i miss u" ME: Gerrrrrraaaherreee mehnn sh** for reall!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI rest my case Nne Ukachi Chukwu no comment cos you have said my mind oh. my fab Precious Nwagboso number 1 point mentioned use to be me but I don carry my load move on. #okbye May the Lord weed away every time wasters our lives.
ReplyDeleteApplies to both sexes
Time wasters are just like a dog in a Manger...move, No. Leave the way, No... Ette!
ReplyDeleteSomething, time wasting isn't intentional. It's like having Walcot when ur looking for Neymar. You hold the bird at hand while looking for the one in the bush. Before you know, time Don go.
ReplyDeleteI agree Johnson Chuks Nwachukwu. Some times we do stuff unintentionally. The problem though is that we are hurting people. Those whose times we waste while we decide whether we truly want them or not are human beings with feelings. The problem with the bird at hand anaogy is, what happens when you really find what you are looking for? Will you put two fists in one mouth or will you say to the person whose time has been wasted, 'hey, time to go now. I have found what I wanted all along. Thank you for the memories...okay, bye'....? In everything we do, let's ask ourselves ,'will I want to be used this way? As a stop gap till I find whatever it is I want'? If the answer is no, then let's stop wasting people's time and lives.
DeleteThe problem is that sometimes, it's not as if ur looking for something else, just that u aren't sure yet. You are suffering from Arsenal fan dilemma where you desire more but cant let go. When you close your eyes, you hear 'yes's and u open it and hears 'no'. Mostatimes, u don't plan it that way, it is only when it finally ends u realize time have been lost.
DeleteSometimes it's because one person is ready, the other isn't, or one person is scared of something.
I think it's part of the whole thing.
Sometimes too, u can call it time wasting and pull out, only to realize later u should have waited.
DeleteTime becomes wasted when the aim isn't achieved. But while the time was running, it's actually time invested.
So technically, just like the technical defeat of Boko H, there is nothing like time wasting. It could have gone either way.
No Johnson Chuks Nwachukwu, there is something called time wasting. When you are not sure, own up. Tell the other party, 'I'm scared, 'I am not sure about this', 'can we take a little breather'...don't get them emotionally beholden to you. It's wrong. The thing is, more often than not, time wasters find what they are looking for else where, leaving the other person heart broken. Bottom line, if you aren't sure you want to be with someone, leave them alone while you make up your mind. Don't lead them on. As someone who has been a time waster at some point in my life, I wasn't ready for that relationship, but I said yes anyway. Cos the guy was too nice (and very cute too...lol). And I didnt know how to say no to him. And so, I went on to make the poor guy miserable through emotional unavailability. The poor guy figured it out and suggested we take a breather....damn, that was the best thing I ever heard. I heaved a sigh of relief. Imagine how much torture I would have saved the guy if I had just told him up front, 'hey, I'm not ready. Can we try this another time'? Or 'guy, this thing isn't working. Believe me, I thought we could make it work. And maybe, I am really not sure I want it to work. Be that as it may, I don't want to waste anymore of your time. Can we give this a rest?' No matter how much we want to spin it, intentionally or unintentionally, it's unfair to waste people's time. Period
DeleteYea, ur right. You are not sure, you don't know if to go on or stop. So stopping could be the wrong move too. Yea, it should be discussed amongst the two parties involved but I don't think the generic solution of taking a breather works all the times.
DeleteSometimes, one could be passing through a phase of life that if you hand on and walk them through it, you will see the best in them you have desired, for some, it could just be a certain fear that if you give then a little time, it will be sorted out.
Am not talking about talented time wasters, people who just enjoy window shopping, enquiry specialist, No! I mean when genuine interest seems to have a missing link.
That is where it becomes dicey; stay, leave, either one can be right or wrong.
And the thing is this; no body is sure, no one. Buhari wasn't sure he will win d elections, Messi wasn't sure that that Suarez penalty will work, no one is ever sure of anything, it's just a case of making up ur mind to take a decision.
So time wasting is as a result of time spent looking for an assurance that doesn't exist.
commit or commot
ReplyDeleteIs unfair to waste one's time whether male or female we should be careful on what we do to others. Someone's heart is not a door that u open n close at your leisure time. D issue is men want d best woman meanwhile they r not d best man, d same is applicable to some woman. Personal left hand should wash right hand while right do same to left.
ReplyDeleteJohnson, the issue with time wasting as a result of time spent looking for an assurance that doesn't exist is, 'how long should the other person wait for you to make up your mind'? Should they continue to turn down other prospects while waiting for the other party to decide whether they want to be with them or not? No one is quite sure but some things can be pretty glaring. Even God expects you to make up your mind. God doesn't like people who blow neither hot nor cold. You can't continue to sit on the fence and play guessing game with people's emotions. Relationships are not penalty kicks between Messi and Suarez. It's not that simple. And yea, I agree that nothing is quite certain in life. That's why you must make up your mind to go hard or go home. No in-betweens.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteUntil a man have seen your parents, he doesn't have the right to stop you from attending to other prospects, so that isn't an issue. That of how long, you give yourself a timeline, if at the expiration of the time things aren't stable, u walk.
DeleteWhat am saying is time wasting is time invested turned bad, there is really no rule of thumb to know what will work or not, so I think if it's worth the while you give it a little time, set your time, set your approach.
I think a quick conclusion could be misleading.
For time wasting to be time wasting, then time must have been wasted. It's not a one off thing. It's stringing people along endlessly. It's refusing to have open conversations about what is going on. It's saying you are in a relationship with someone but there is no commitment from you. It's me trying to open up avenues for genuine conversations and you blanking me out. It's you saying we are a couple and you flirting endlessly with others. It's us supposedly being in a more than 1 year relationship and you refusing to talk about the future because, 'you are not sure about these things'. All relationships will not lead to marriage. But if we are in a relationship and I am not sure whether I am single or in a relationship as a result of emotional unavailability from you and your refusal to make things clear, can I honestly say we are in a relationship? Again, how much time should I give t before sounding the alarm? After 6 months- 1 year, is it still quick conclusion?
DeleteAct Right or Be Left
ReplyDeleteRefer to your post
ReplyDeleteI really don't see a situation where a reasonable lady will stay in a time wasting kind of relationship.
Is either the lady is also passing time with the guy or the guy is counting time with the lady.
An ideal lady can never ever stick in a relationship that has no focal point nor terms defined even at the beginning of the relationship.
Gone are those days of k'anyi n'aga kind of terms. This days, it has to be defined so crystal clear.
So, that's why I said is either the lady is purposefully passing out her time with guy or she is enjoying something at that moment.
That's just what I think.......
Nelson, time wasting applies to both sexes. Some ladies also waste the time of young men while waiting for what they think is better.
DeleteAnd she said she's not a relationship expert,eh? How else do they do it mbok?
ReplyDeleteNne we are doing trial and error...@Eyichukwu Chiamaka A
ReplyDeletelol....In that case, u ain't doing badly at all. Go ahead and fly!
DeleteNow we are back to those days you were the most feared chick on campus. Good to know that "you're still you": Myne- the media shark. I'm sharing this post, it's good for every Nigerian who needs to grow-up in style and honesty. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI was feared? ...omg! Don't spoil my market o biko...lol. Thanks bro
ReplyDeleteNoted!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is indeed an informative article and I think it should serve as a guide to our youths especially ladies! On a second thought, I believe most people in such time wasting relationships are fully aware that their significant other is wasting their time.....but they remain there hoping that the person will change someday instead of valuing themselves and walking out of the toxic relationship! Its well written prof,and this same principle should be applied in other aspects of our lives and not only relationships.
ReplyDelete