HELLO BAE, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TINGY?

There is a new trend in town. This new trend is called public and very elaborate marriage proposals. Almost anyone who is anyone in love has done it. Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian in a baseball stadium replete with pyrotechnics, a Jumbotron, and a 90-piece orchestra—with the exclusive film rights going to E! for Kim's reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians.  

 Littered all over various social media platforms are pictures and videos of lavish marriage proposals. These images and videos will have you struggling to catch your breath from the overwhelming emotions of them all.  In this day and time, it’s not just enough to propose to a lady. You must do so with all the accompanying glitz, glamor and photo shoot in three continents with amazing themes to boot. And don’t forget, the story must find its to BellaNaija. Girl, are you crazy? You didn’t know? Don’t you know you aren’t engaged unless the soppy story of how you met boo and how he proposed has single girls ‘believing God for a similar experience’?

 I had an interesting conversation with a brand new fiancée who couldn’t believe the ‘drab way’ her man proposed to her. According to her, he didn’t pop the question on her birthday, Valentine’s Day or any other special day, like she expected. Apparently her man didn’t get the memo that marriage proposals are more memorable if done on special days like Valentine’s Day or birthday.

 Her man, as unromantic as anyone could be, picked a random day in a random year to ask her to marry him. To worsen the situation, he just ‘stood in the middle of his sitting room’ and asked, ‘will you marry me’? Just like that. No surprise party and no one to even capture it on camera for Facebook and Instagram. Her marriage proposal had been so ‘bleh’ she made up a fictional and very romantic marriage proposal story to share with family and friends. There was no way she was going to carry last on this one. What people didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

I could feel her disappointment. These days, it would seem that a marriage proposal wasn’t one unless the guy went out of his way to fly in family and friends, rent out a football field, get matching bands and white doves and put it up on social media for the whole world to see. Personally, I have never really understood the need for a public marriage proposal. I have never understood why people feel the need to make a telenovela out of a simple private affair. I don’t see making a public spectacle out of a private affair as being romantic. I believe that things like marriage proposals should be private and devoid of the whole drama that often goes with it. It’s about two people, not two people and the rest of the world.

To be sure I wasn’t alone or weird in my reasoning, I sampled the opinions of some female friends on the private vs public marriage proposal debate. Most of those I spoke to admitted that they felt very public marriage proposals were ‘a little too much’ and seemed to be ‘nothing more than sideshows for a group of people’.

Ingrid, a Media and Communications assistant doesn’t think public marriage proposals are romantic. According to her, public marriage proposals put a lot of pressure on the girl to say yes even if she isn’t ready to take the big step yet.

We cannot even argue with that. How do you say no (even when that is the only thing you want to say) when a bunch of people- both familiar and strange- are ‘oooohing’ and ‘awwwing’ around you with huge expectations of a loud gushing scream of acceptance from you? Of course, a tear or two would be a perfect completion to the marriage proposal acceptance speech).

Ogechi, a High School teacher said she would prefer a very private marriage proposal with ‘just her man and herself’. She wouldn’t want what is a special day to be turned into a public spectacle.

Nan, a Professional Chef believes that for a guy to publicly propose to her shows he loves her but admitted that she would rather have a ‘personal and private marriage proposal’.

As common as public marriage proposals are becoming these days, research shows it’s not exactly every woman’s cup of tea.

A survey by David’s Bridal which appeared on sheknows.com revealed that 80 percent of women would cringe at a Facebook proposal because it lacks creativity and would appear cheesy and unoriginal to family and friends. 63% of brides preferred more personal and low-key proposals. Even flash mob proposals seem to lose their appeal to a large percentage of women surveyed as 57 percent didn’t find it appealing.

If we have all these statistics that prove that contrary to widely held beliefs, most women would rather have a private marriage proposal than flash mob proposal, why do guys still feel the pressure to ‘do it big or die trying?’

Some schools of thought believe it is a deliberate plan on the part of men to put the woman on the spot and get her to say yes. An article by the BBC quoted Glenn Wilson, a consultant psychologist as follows:

“It’s possible that some men think that this will pile pressure upon her and increase the likelihood of getting a positive response, that she must think that he really loves her if he goes to this extent of trouble and trickery’.

Hmmm. I’m not sure I want to accept a marriage proposal encased in trickery. I am not saying that my man shouldn’t be romantic and put his best foot forward. I just want to be able to make the decision to either accept or reject his proposal without feeling ambushed. Isn’t giving people the room to be themselves and make their own decisions what love is all about? What if I don’t want to marry him just yet, will I really be able to freely turn down his proposals with all eyes on me? That’s too much pressure to put on my delicate Aba shoulders.  At least in private, a brother can accept rejection quietly, without embarrassment.

A public marriage proposal can be very fun, memorable and even romantic for the couple involved and the spectators. But it is certainly not for me. I don’t believe a marriage proposal has to be over the top, elaborate and very loud and crowded to be romantic and memorable. I am a firm believer in the simple, personal and very intimate route to popping the question.

So bae, when you are ready to propose, can you just K.I.S.S. it for me? Thank you.

Where do you stand on this? Are you Team Private Proposal like me, or you prefer your significant other to roll out the red carpet, call the press and hold the news before he pops the question? Share your views below. I sure would love to read them.



XoXo
NawtiProf

Photo credit: newlovetimes.com

*K.I.S.S ß----- Keep It Simple & Short.