WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE?

I can't exactly remember when it was that I penned down my first list of things I wanted in my man/spouse. It was a long time ago (I think in my teen years) and I had just read this book that laid a lot of emphasis on writing down our expectations and desires. So, I took out a book and started writing...

Omo, come see list. I wrote and wrote and wrote and asked for extra sheets. The guy had to be this and that and these and those. He had to have A and B and C and D. He had to do X, Y and Z. He mustn't do I, J, K, L and H. I wouldn't tolerate Q, U, V and W. The list went on and on and on.... In the entire list I wrote, there wasn't a single line that listed what I would bring to the table. In fact, it never occurred to me that I had to be bringing something too. I took it for granted that the damn guy would consider himself lucky that he was considered in the first place...lol. Chai, the things we think and do as kids.

Thank God I sha received sense on time. And thank God for parents and mentors who helped me develop that sense early.

There is nothing wrong with having a list of expectations. If you don't know exactly what you want, how will you know when you find it? Even the Bible advised us to write the vision and make it plain. By all means, write. But after you have written, pause and ponder. And ask yourself, 'so I want the following in my man/woman, but what am I bringing to the table'?

I don't know about most people, but I sha see relationships as serious business. Emotional investments no be beans. It's not a joking sturvs (in Falz' voice). Relationship of any kind is (and should be) about productivity. Here is what the Bible says:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 New International Version (NIV)

'Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up'.




See? There is supposed to be a good return for labor even in relationships. Relationships should be mutually beneficial to all parties involved. You can't just be expecting and expecting and then taking and taking without recourse to the other party. Notice how it is the guys with pot belly who want the girls that will never get fat even after popping 9 kids? Have you also noticed that it is the girl who has nothing to contribute that wants the guy who has a mansion in Maitama and Lekki?

There has got to be a reason the rich and the well connected marry themselves. The high and mighty, the crème de la crème, the movers and shakers of society; all these people marry themselves.

You want a humble and hardworking partner, are you humble and hardworking? You desire someone who won't cheat on you, are you faithful and responsible? You want an intelligent person who can make you laugh and wow you with their brain power; do you have those same skill sets? You want someone who is gentle, meek and mild like Jesus. Are you all those things? You want a sexy woman who still has her flat tummy after 4 kids? Guy you had better bring something hotter than David Beckham's abs.

So many times, like me of years ago, we get so consumed with what the other person must have that we forget that a healthy relationship is a symbiotic one, not a parasitic one. It means you benefit and I benefit. It's 100-100. You bring, I bring. After I learned this a long time, I stopped keeping those lists. That is not to say that I don't know what I want in a relationship. I do. I have instead chosen to spend time developing myself into being who I would desire and go to the ends of the earth to keep if I were a man.

I have learned that I don't attract who I want. I attract who I am.

So next time you are drawing out a list of all you want in a spouse or partner, ask yourself: 'What am I bringing to the table'?

Have a great week ahead!

XoXo
NAWTIprof


*Photo Credit: www.richclubgirl.com